With these two hands

This blog was originally intended to be a means of sharing life with whoever wanted to read and to help keep our families up to date as we are away. I haven't done a great job doing that. Whenever I do have time or the desire to share a post on here it isn't very life update-ish so I don't. Rather, what I want to write is more of what God is doing in my heart. I'm hesistant to share that on a blog because I know that my heart is deceitful and I'm never quite sure if my motives are pure. This is confusing, I know.

Most of you don't know me very well. Sometimes, due to lack of heart-examination, I don't even know myself too well. But, I think, my sisters and brothers in Christ will be able to relate as I struggle through this fleeting life; wrestling everyday with sin and the longings to know God more. With these things in mind, I will cautiously proceed...

Today is our one year mark. Today, one year ago, we got off of a plane in Lima, Peru. My heart was excited, scared, vulnerable, and hungry for God. We arrived at our temporary housing after a long, long journey and I took a deep breath. In that moment, all of the anticipation (years of anticipation) were met with silence, a cramped room, a tired baby, new smells and an empty stomach. The tears came more quickly than I had anticipated. Uh oh, I'm crying... we're only a couple of hours in and I'm crying. Is this a bad sign?

From that moment up to this moment, God has been faithful to me. Almost everything about this year has been unexpected aside from God's faithfulness. Ministry, work, family, friends, life has been unanticipated. Coming into this term, living here, I had ideas about what God would do.  But what I'm realizing is that what I really had were ideas of what I thought God should do with our time here. I had them and they were wrong. God has slowly used this first year to strip me of everything I thought that I knew about myself and about his plans. I thought I was strong but I found out that I'm weak. I thought I was humble but I found out that I'm prideful. I thought I was happy but I found out that my joy wasn't rooted in God. I thought I was a good wife and mom but I found out that I'm in love with myself. I thought that I was devoted to bringing glory to God but I found out that I'm devoted to my own glory.

One by one, my ideas have been uncovered. After all of these thoughts are leveled, I am left empty and I have no words. I fought this for a while. Trying to pull it together, say a little prayer with a skim through the pages of the Bible. Temporary strength was found but I would quickly hit a wall. What is going on here, Lord? What are you doing? Why am I like this? This all builds until I'm at such a place of desperation that all I have is God's Word. My soul, it longs for God and it is only quenched through God and His Word. It is life-giving. I read it and my soul can breath.

I am finding that God is bringing me to such a point of desperation that I can't go on without him. There was a lump building up in my chest and I knew what it was from. I had been praying that God would do whatever he had to do to draw me closer to him, to use me, to make me more like him and now that I find myself incapable of the simpliest of tasks, wondering where God is and desperately reading his Word it hits me in the face... He is here! He is answering my prayers. Oh, what love! How he loves me as he disciplines me and pushes me and draws me to himself. It hurts, God, but oh how thankful I am that you are here. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I know it's not over. This will continue on throughout my life as I seek to give him all that I am. God, don't let me grow cold. I know my heart is prone to wander from you. I can see now how God is using Lima to answer that prayer. I thought I was coming here for someone else but it would seem that God has brought me here because there is work–so much work–to be done in my own heart.

Christmas this year was a little strange, being so far away from family but we still had lots of fun, yummy food, Christmas music, fellowship, gift-opening and even some unexpected fireworks. This was an especially exciting Christmas to Evelyn since she is now able to understand and look forward to holidays. As we were walking to a Christmas Eve party she kept saying "I'm happy, I'm happy" and "I'm excited, mommy! Christmas party, daddy!".

I'm sure that she would have loved being with our families, running around with cousins and being loved on like crazy by our parents and all of her aunts and uncles; knowing that is hard and definitely sad. But knowing that this is where God has us and seeing how he has provided people to fill the roles that we are missing is beautiful and amazing. No one has been replaced, that would be impossible, but Evelyn and Norah have people here who have become aunts and uncles and even grandparents. I never expected the Lord to bless our family in this way.

We are also thankful for Skype! We got to be a part of some family gatherings back home and even open presents through Skype. There were no sweet hugs exchanged but there were definitely many happy faces and sweet conversations. We are blessed and so thankful for our families back home who pray for us and continue to support and encourage us even though they are missing us like crazy.

Leading up to Christmas we had been told that Christmas in Lima meant lots of fireworks. I never gave this much thought and maybe that is for the best because understanding what was about to take place would have only led to a bit of anxiety. Not because I'm afraid of fireworks but because I am not fond of things that keep our babies awake past midnight. When they started to go off close to 11pm on Christmas Eve, Steven and I thought they were a little annoying but tolerable. Little did we know that at the stroke of twelve Thunder Over Lima was about to take place for a couple of hours. It all ended well as Norah managed to stay calm even though with each loud BOOM she would jump and Evelyn decided that she wanted "MORE" when she was finally able to see what in the world was making all that noise outside. They got us this year but next year we'll be ready!

Here are some pictures that were taken over Christmas. Most of these were taken by some of our friends here who are very talented photographers.

Evelyn got to help Noni open his present(s) during a fun game of steal the yummiest gift (I don't know what it's called really)

Almost all of us at the Christmas Eve party Evelyn was so excited about.

Silly turkey singing about Christmas.

Evelyn laughing at Noni across the room.

Mimi and Noni giving the girls their Christmas presents!

Isn't she precious!

We love our Mimi and Noni!

Pop Tarts being stolen. Most of the food items were treats that are not sold here in Lima.

Nana getting tickled by Evelyn's "bugs"

Lyndsey and Brittany helped me make some Christmas treats.

Evelyn didn't want to leave :(

Lyndsey made a mess but she seems to be okay.

Enjoying the fireworks from the window in our room.

Christmas morning! We survived the night!

Opening presents sent from Grammy and Papaw and Nana and Pop.

Norah opened some too!

We made a Christmas morning brunch. These are the delicious homemade cinnamon rolls.

Brittany and Norah

Daddy is so fun.

Norah is beautiful and sooooo big!

I love this!

Evelyn was in the mood to dance after such an eventful morning.

Lining up the animals to get on Noah's ark because as Evelyn would say "the water is coming"

Such a cutie.

This is for my mom. The girls first matching outfits. Precious!

I thought I would take a moment to give a quick update on mis hijas (my daughters).

Last month, on November 4th, Evelyn turned 2! For her birthday we went to the Lima zoo and had a party with some great friends. The menu included some of her favorite foods: cake, ice cream and pizza. She was in heaven! Lately Evelyn has started trying to talk in sentences which is at times difficult to understand but mostly it is precious! Some little phrases that she enjoys saying these days include: "Um I think so" "Oh, I know" "Oh, that's silly (or funny)" "Ewwww gross" "I'm excited" "Oh, I love it". Does she sound like a little girl or what?

Norah hit three months a little over a week ago and is as cute as ever! She likes to kick and squeak rather loudly. She also thinks that mommy is very funny and LOVES to watch Evelyn run around in circles in our apartment. We've noticed that she is starting to look less like her sissy these days but is equally as beautiful. She has found her thumb (just like Evelyn) but doesn't suck on it, rather, she likes to chew on it and make a huge slobbery mess. I'm starting to wonder if she is already teething!

Most days are full of coloring, dancing, sleeping, eating, reading, pretending, running, tickling, baby talking and lots of diaper changing. We are very blessed! If we ever go out of the apartment, which is no easy task, we are stopped constantly by sweet Peruvian women who want to look at and rave about how beautiful Evelyn and Norah are. Last week we went shopping and I was able to part a sea of people with no problem because of Norah and her bald little white head. It is amazing! Here is a translated version of an exchange that I had when went out last week...

Sweet older lady: (Speaking about Norah) "Oooooh how beautiful!"

Me: Thank you!

Lady: (Still about Norah) Oooooooh my God, how beautiful!

Me: Thank you!!

Lady: How old is she?

Me: Three months.

Lady: Ooooooooooh my God, three months!! Three months!! How beautiful!! She is like a doll!

Me: (Laughing) Thank you!

Lady: How precious, three months! How beautiful! She is like a doll – no hair! How precious!!!

(Suddenly she notices Evelyn)

Lady: Ooooooh my God, two daughters?! How beautiful! How beautiful!!

(At this point I'm really really loving this lady!)

Lady: How old is she?

Me: She is two years old.

Lady: Two years old!!!!! Oh my God! How beautiful! Two Daughters!

This continued to go on for some moments but finally her shopping buddy nudged her away. I love it!

We decorated the apartment for Evelyn's birthday party.

Playing with new toys!

Evelyn and her buddy, Pablo, checking out some new toys.

Playing with "Nony" (One Evelyn's Peruvian Grandparents)

Being a ballerina!

Norah is so sweet!

Daddy built a super fun tent in the living room.

Its hard to capture Evelyn holding still these days.

It is nap time here and all is peaceful but soon, in about 45 minutes, the noise will return. Not the noise from Evelyn and Norah, although they will make their fair share, but the noise from the construction project that is happening outside of our windows. For the past few weeks the construction has had quite an impact on our day-to-day lives. Nap times had to be changed, windows closed for the majority of the day, yelling instead of talking, constant sweeping of the aftermath at the end of the day and quite a few headaches and meltdowns. You would have to hear it yourself to be able to understand what I mean by noise. But since the construction project has been estimated to take nine months (the countdown has begun), I feel the need to be louder than this unpleasant disruption in our lives and the only way I can possibly do that is through the Lord. For the past week I have been meditating on James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

When I read this passage last week I was so encouraged. Now the noise that fills our home is a constant reminder that God is still at work in my life and a challenge to me as I truly think through and decide from whence my joy is coming. When my joy comes from my circumstances it doesn't take much for me to get frustrated, annoyed and even distraught; but when it comes from the Lord and from the salvation that I have through Christ, nothing can shake it. So while I look forward to May when this noise will be over, I also look forward to the next few minutes when the noise will begin again, reminding me of my hope of glory in Christ Jesus.

Despite the noise, the girls have continued to bring us laughter and joy. Here are some pictures from the past week.

 Evelyn said it was too bright so we had to go find her sunglasses. We're not used to lots of sunshine.

There are lots of great parks to pick from for playtime.

Me and my love!

Daddy and daughter!

Somebody likes to smile for mommy these days! Precious!!

Evelyn is so big! She'll be two on Friday!!

Finally sitting down to give a quick update on our family while the girls are both sleeping. God has been so good to us these past four weeks as we have adjusted to life with two daughters. We have been especially blessed by all of our friends here in Lima who have gone out of their way to serve us and love on us as we transition. I must say that it has been hard to be so far away from our families in the States but God has just overwhelmed me with his love for us through our Christian community here.

And now, for those of you who are interested, I wanted to share Norah's birth story! It all started on Friday, September 9th, at 3am when I woke up with contractions that were every five minutes. I was two days late at this point and really excited that I could be in labor. I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep but was unable to because of the discomfort of the contractions and the excitement that I felt. I got out of bed at 6am and started to go through my morning routine. Once I was up moving around the contractions got a little harder and I felt that I really might be in labor. We called another missionary family (they have been such a blessing to us since the day we met them) around 7:30am to come and get Evelyn so that Steven and I could begin to focus on the arrival of Norah. We started to get our home ready for her arrival–gathering up towels and old sheets and setting up some soothing music. We lit some candles that smelled yummy and of course got out the baby supplies and a few other things to help with clean up after the big event. To be honest, Steven did most of these things

Around 8:30am another missionary, who is excellent at Spanish and also has a lot of experience with home births, came over to help us through the whole delivery (we could not have done it without her). Once she got here we all decided to go for a walk to help my contractions get stronger and boy did it work. After a couple of laps around the park behind our apartment I felt like it was time to ask the doctor to come to our home. Unfortunately, he was a bit preoccupied with another birth (info that we did not share on facebook at the time) but it was still a bit early so we weren't panicking yet.

Since we had Norah at home we had great access to the internet and we were able to post frequent updates and even pictures for our family and friends who are so far away. As my contractions got stronger, Steven and Jess (our awesome friend) read comments of encouragement to me which actually helped a lot. The doctor did finally arrive a little after 1pm and at this point I was definitely ready for Norah to be born. My doctor helped me to get into a squatting position next to our bed and Steven sat behind me to help hold me up (I was pretty tired by this point). Jess was close by holding my hand. At one point while I was pushing I did manage to pull my doctor's hair, which he said was totally fine, but I kind of felt bad about afterwards (pretty funny now I guess). After about twenty minutes of pushing, Norah was in my arms and we all took a deep breath. Steven–my hero–pulled me up on to the bed and I lay on his lap holding my sweet daughter. It was a precious moment that I will never forget. 

We both recovered safely in the comfort of our home and have continued to do great, praise be to God! Here are some pictures from Norah's birthday...

I think I was chatting with Lauren Cowart here in between contractions... I couldn't keep that up for long.

Right around the time I pulled the doctor's hair.

What a perfect moment!

Steven holding Norah for the first time!!

Checking out her new room.

Our sweet professor from school, Carolina, and her boyfriend, Luis, were so kind to take us to Centro (downtown) Lima yesterday. After some sight seeing in Centro we went to Parque de la Reserva (a water fountain park). It was great to get out of the apartment and have some fun with friends. Here are just a few pictures from our day.

We happened to come across a small display of Peruvian dances and music performed by different schools in Lima. Evelyn loved it!

Evelyn got really excited when she found some pigeons or as she would say (burd) that would let her get really close to them.

I'm pretty sure she was trying to talk to them

Things got really exciting when daddy bought some birdseed (burd nummies) for one sol

This fountain was awesome! The fountain in the middle gets as high as 80 meters (262 feet) and Evelyn was a little nervous

Watching the fountains dance to the music playing in the background

Amazingly, they aren't getting wet

Walking under the tunnel of water

Luis and Carolina